she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize