Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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