Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
