i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
