Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
