that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
