i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
