I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
