what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
