doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
