i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
