just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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