whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
