good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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