Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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