This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
