Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
