I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
