That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
