Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize