Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
