I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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