watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
