I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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