I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
