also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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