My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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