3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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