When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
