It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
