508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
