he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
