Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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