are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
