thus making me awesome and them whores
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
