Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How external is "for external use only"?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
