I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
