i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He shit in the fireplace
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
