I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
