she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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