..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just threw up on my dentist
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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