That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
