I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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