2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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