i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
