I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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