I hope mine doesn't look like that
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
