If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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