R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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