3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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