I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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