Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
