At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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