But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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