where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i out mim tonsoeep
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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