My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
