My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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