ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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