Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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