It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
