I swear she didn't look like that last week.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We have started to decorate penises.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
