I just threw up on my dentist
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
