I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
