I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
